Month: October 2024

As our national men's soccer team looks to be a lost cause, may we suggest throwing all of our support behind our new U.S. elephant polo squad? The World Cup bummed us out, and we now have a chance with a new sport to do it right this time. Why do we think this? Because the U.S. team seems to have a secret weapon. From the Houston Chronicle: For a moment at the King's Cup Elephant Polo Championship — one of the circuit's Big Three — it seemed the upstart Yanks from the Washington area might finally charge onto the scoreboard. Then something really did stir from Thong Kao — a hail of dung that left the pursuing Italians dodging for cover. But then, tragedy struck. And just as Zenz yanked back her mallet, Thong Kao accidentally stepped on the polo ball, squashing i…

Well-proportioned Romanian phenom Simona Halep is reportedly planning breast-reduction surgery, because her superhuman chest somehow doesn't help her play tennis. Or is she? Reports of the demise of her fantastical cans arrived earlier this week, but were based on garbled internet translations of obscure European newspapers. Halep—who lost in the second round of her first French Open this week—was definitely talking about her lady lumps and is clearly aware of the the, uh … logistical complications that they create for a bouncy, quick-moving tennis player, but it's not entirely clear that she's ready to drop her most famous assets. So maybe she'll dial them down next offseason or maybe she won't, but either way the world will be leering. I mean, watchin…

Commissioner Roger Goodell received $35,017,000 in compensation in 2013, according to the NFL's most-recent tax return, as reported by That's roughly the same as 2012, when Goodell's $44.2 million payout included $9 million in money deferred from previous years. "The Commissioner's total compensation in 2013 is a fair reflection of his leadership and contributions during the year," Falcons Owner Arthur Blank, Chair of the Compensation Committee, said in a prepared statement. The amount was decided by the three-owner compensation committee (Blank, Jerry Richardson, and Robert Kraft) during the owners' meetings following that season—meaning Goodell's payout for a disastrous 2014 will be determined next month. [ SBD] …

Football injuries are random but inevitable. Every year, some teams will spend the season in an MRI machine, and others will end up pretty much unharmed (outside of thousands of micro-concussions). Just as predictably, some coaches will try to obfuscate their team's health to screw with their opponents' game plans, while still adhering to the NFL's flawed injury-reporting regulations. So which teams got hit the worst by injuries in 2012? And which coaches were the most misleading about the health of their players? To answer these questions, we turn to Pro Football Reference, which has compiled 2012 injury report information in a series of delightful colored charts. The graph below is based on their data, showing, by team and injury tag, the number of players per week p…

Washington wide receiver Jamison Crowder scored a touchdown after an 85-yard punt return against the Ravens, but naturally, the team couldn’t pull off a dazzling highlight without screwing something up. Washington hadn’t returned a punt for a touchdown since Week 8 in 2008, when Santana Moss scored on an 80-yard return in Detroit. After the score, kicker Dustin Hopkins boinked one off the uprights for his first missed kick of the season. Watch the punt return on the NFL’s approved highlight provider here: …

data-mm-id=”_8bnvx6vrt”>Matt Ryan's injury against the Rams in Week 7 was unfortunate, but well-timed. The Falcons had to only play one game with Matt Schaub as their starter before entering their bye, and now head coach Dan Quinn says Ryan will return this Sunday against the Saints. Falcons HC Dan Quinn says QB Matt Ryan is "ready to play" vs. the Saints on Sunday. pic.twitter.com/AoCtak3AbN— NFL (@NFL) November 8, 2019Ryan went down with an ankle injury after getting sacked by Aaron Donald and missed one game. His return will be welcome, but the Falcons are 1-7 and have no hope to do anything other than mess up their draft position by trying to win games this year. The clock is ticking on Quinn, but Ryan may help him last a bit longer. …

data-mm-id=”_1lgaj3g6b”>The XFL kicked off today. It's been an interesting experience so far, and one of the cooler new aspects of the broadcast is sideline reporters conducting interviews with players as they walk off the field after something happens. As one might imagine, interviewing players while emotions are high can sometimes come with a cost. We got our first example during Saturday's inagural matchup between the D.C. Defenders and Seattle Dragons. Dianna Russini caught an XFL lineman coming off the field right after he had gotten flagged for a post-whistle skirmish, and he dropped the first F-bomb in XFL history. The ABC censor did not catch it in time. XFL Offensive Lineman gets interviews, immediately drops an f-bomb. pic.twitter.com/XjIVTr8lAl— Dov Kleiman (@NFL…

data-mm-id=”_le1o0gmoq”>Football season is about to be canceled. At least in the most problematic sense. Red Staters woke up on Tuesday to learn that players for the Dallas Cowboys would be allowed to protest during the National Anthem. This news prompted Donald Trump's adult son to proclaim that "football is officially dead" and that he is gone. Presumably from watching the NFL forever.Football is officially dead — so much for “America’s sport.” Goodbye NFL… I’m gone. https://t.co/FSJeyvsql3— Eric Trump (@EricTrump) September 8, 2020Can't say we didn't see this coming. Certain people will not tolerate the NFL "disrespecting our Country & our Flag." If noted football fan Eric Trump is gone, what will the NFL do?Keep in mind that no N…

data-mm-id=”_i6q7v7fdu”>The last fleeting hope that Archie Miller's time at Indiana could lead to greatness vanished into thin air Wednesday night. Piscataway is a hell of a place to watch a basketball team hit rock bottom, but that's exactly what happened as Rutgers ran the hapless Hoosiers off the floor in a rout. Four years in, Miller's time in Bloomington has been one long missed opportunity and the school simply can't justify keeping him atop its cherished basketball program any longer. Indiana opened Wednesday night's contest in fine fashion, racing to a 23-8 lead at the RAC midway through the first half. The Hoosiers were quick, decisive, hit some big shots and their defensive rotations were on point. Then things went downhill faster than a Kendall Roy c…